my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
