You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
