3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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