Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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