I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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