PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
