we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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