I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize