i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
