I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
