nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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