I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
