I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
