The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
