I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
