Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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