The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
