I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
