Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
