I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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