Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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