just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
