yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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