I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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