I seem to have left my pride at pride
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
