He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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