the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize