I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
