This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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