he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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