She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you win again, gameday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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