i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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