Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
