I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
