That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
