mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
