what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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