I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thus making me awesome and them whores
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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