is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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