So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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