I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
