I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
