Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
