guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
