it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
