So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
where am i from again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
