I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
