So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
