i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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