one two three fourrrrnication!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
