dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
