Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
