Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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