you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
