Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
