I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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