i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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