Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
