Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
