You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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