Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
