Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
