Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
