so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
