Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
