youre lurking in front of me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
