I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
