"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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