Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize