i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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