singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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